“过去了”

昨天晚上看奥斯卡颁奖典礼，其中有一段是纪念2009年所有过世的艺人。 你说这09年是不是有点儿邪了门儿了，老老少少的“过去了”那么多人。也只能说什么”生命很脆弱”一类的话，但又觉得有点儿太轻描淡写了。其实这里面儿有的人真的是够折腾的，另外有些也有点儿糊涂过头了,死得太可惜了。这三个是我一时印象最深的。

Natasha Richardson - 在魁北克滑雪撞了头，事发当时居然拒绝了医护检查，拍拍屁股就回酒店了！2-3小时之后开始闹头疼，这才上医院。 结果在撞击7个小时后就这么过去了！ 法医鉴定：意外事故。

David Carradine - 就更离谱了，S&M那么多年了，怎么那么不注意安全？又不是新手儿了，玩儿窒息自慰居然给玩儿完了，吊在曼谷一家酒店的储藏室里。 看来这和游泳死人是一个道理：淹死的一般都是会游泳的。 约有经验，就越过于自信，也没找个看伴儿, 这"惊险"变"危险"也定为事故了!

Brittany Murphy - 感冒转肺炎, 吃了乱七八糟一堆OTC的小药儿。没想到减肥控制体重，有严重的贫血问题。 所有的所有凑一块儿，心脏就“嘎巴儿”一下，就停了！ 法医鉴定：事故。

Fastest or Shortest?

I am a loyal GPS user. No kidding. As i came out of the neighborhood McD drive through, my index finger immediately reached for "Navigate to" then "Home". My TomTom is my legitimate boyfriend outside of my faithful happy marriage. Lori, that is the name of my "navigator" lady. She gets quite loud sometimes and even nags at me, or so it seems. Reminding me to make a left turn every 500 yards, i often feel like i am driving with my mother suction-cupped to my windshield. Rob gave me the TomTom for Valentine's day one year. I know, my husband is a major dork. Probably why i had to marry the guy, so in comparison, i'd be the smaller dork of this relationship. It was probably the best gift i have ever gotten.

It's not that i am completely directionless, though some may disagree, just never invest my attention and brain gear towards it. Rob worries that i'd turn my brain off, when "Lori" is handling the road, and me ending up in a ditch, or getting hit in the middle of an intersection with the stop sign he swore that i had run. Do I really go through life completely oblivious? After the "attack of the purple bitch" (which entirely would be a separate entry), i had a new revelation. My senses are naturally heightened. I am actually "internally" observant. My "processor" however, automatically filter out everything and anything that's unimportant.

So anyhow, my favorite thing to do is to plan a route on the "shortest" setting. My TomTom take me to places i've been before but via a completely different, refreshing route. It sounds sort of stupid. But it's the perfect combination of the thrill of the unknown, plus the peace of mind that eventually i would get to where i wanted to go. If i get to unpaved roads, that's a bonus. Rob hates it though. Again, he's worried i would drive through a bad neighborhood and get shot. I suppose that's always a possibility. Probably not any higher than the chance that when i walk out the road, a school bus would run me over. Speaking of which, back in UIUC, there were probably 3 people got killed by the school bus while i was there...

It's nice to be worried about, though. Every time rob yells, "i don't want you to die", my heart would melt. Maybe i'm just too easy.

Be my escape

I gotta get outta here, cause I'm afraid this complacency is something I can't shake, I gotta get outta here.... - relient k

I can fool myself sometimes, at times even for months. But when it comes down to it, I still hate it here- no matter how hard I try to forget or to convince myself otherwise.

How do I get out of here - and into something better? The latter is the challenge.

Mental 4 Dental

Mmmm.... 6 years till my next employment. Sounds like a long time... I say to myself "in the grand scheme of things this is a tiny tiny tiny bump on the universe's road to infinite entropy, so be the non-stopping working ant, and just keep digging. My well of happiness should be down there somewhere and one day it would erupt with joy of water"!

Still though, easier said than done. I'm very worried about the outcome of it all. What if i get pregnant in these six years? what if i can never get pregnant after that six years? What if my marriage falls apart in these six years?...

recognition

I got my first cash award today, yay! So I got beaten up for taking initiative at first, and now I'm being awarded for the same thing. Life can be so confusing.

life outside of Mland

The last three weekends have been such happy ones. And I realized that all of them were spent outide of Midland - there is joy in weekend trips: sailing, hiking, dune hikes (!!), beaches, ethnic cuisine and new people :)

snow?! grrrr...

It's snowing in April. I don't even need to visit Cornell, feels like I haven't left at all weather wise. And the wind is atrocious, I hope it gets warmer and stays warm soon.